Didn't you fall in love when you were thirteen?

Or words to that effect. It was odd being asked that by someone several years my senior, although the conversation did lead to it.

We'd been discussing the representation of Christianity in Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials and I happened to mention that Will and Lyra fall in love at the end. He voiced his surprise while I voiced my cynicism towards two children falling for each other.

Then he asked, “Didn’t you fall in love when you were thirteen?”

That one caught me by surprise and I answered semi-truthfully when I said no. But then again all is relative isn’t it? At thirteen those kinds of feelings seem powerful and overwhelming, which convinces you of their certainty. However it’s possible that believing you are in love is all part of human development. Falling in love requires so much more than a profound admiration but at 13 it takes an extraordinarily emotionally mature child to know the fullness of being in love.

However, it is evident that both Will and Lyra have matured emotionally at a rate that far outstrips other children by their experiences chronicled throughout the trilogy. They have seen men die, come close to dying themselves and Pullman presents the contact between Pantalaimon (Lyra’s daemon) and a nameless doctor as rape. All this tragedy would force the children to respond in a manner that is uncommon even for grown men and women. They could understand what it was to be in love at a young age because they could understand how to react to something expected from someone way beyond their years.

Thinking back to the question that I was asked, it did seem odd to be asked that by someone I barely knew. I hadn’t fallen in love when I was thirteen, no, but I may have considered myself to be in love at a relatively young age. It’s partly why I often fail to take myself and others seriously at seventeen or eighteen who say they’re in love or consider thinking about being in love. At least, there are few exceptions. It’s not just a state of mind; it’s a physical and emotional connection or reaction. It’s being able to see past what you want with a person to find a route that allows you to travel alongside each other, developing and supporting each other and building character. At eighteen you’ve reached the end of childhood but still continue growing. As my companion said, you don’t realise your full identity until you’re about twenty. Does that not mean your values continue changing, so much so that the person you believed yourself to be in love with may not mean anything to you?

Maybe that's what's wrong though. Telling yourself you won't fall for somebody was almost as foolish as flinging yourself into their arms without any knowledge of who they are. It just happens. Time for a shock.

"Love recklessly, and to hell with the consequences."